At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
