Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
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My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
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I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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