im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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