Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
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Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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