jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
