You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
