Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just cropdusted the office
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
