i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.