Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't want my vagina anymore.