i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.