Define "chronic" masturbator.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
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i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
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He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.