Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away