I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
