don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
