im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
