dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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