I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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