Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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