Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
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Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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