I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
