He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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