when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
