Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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