if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
