it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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