Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
