I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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