I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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