Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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