Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
