god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
