last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
