Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
