your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
