I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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