I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
