I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Found your dick twin last night
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
