I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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