last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
