i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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