Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
