Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
