Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
