i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
