I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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