New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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