I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
