Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
