You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
