a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
