But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
