Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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