Ambien. No doubt about it.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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