the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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