take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize