Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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