I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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