you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I wish there were birth control emojis
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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