when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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