Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
