we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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