i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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