Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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