Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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