you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
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knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
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Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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