I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
this will be a night to untag.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
